Why I Can't Let Go

So long ago, or so it now seems,
I lost you and all of our dreams
because you'd changed inside,
a stranger you could no longer hide
In all the years of loving you
somehow I think I always knew
we would never make it to the end
but I stayed, trying hard to pretend
that we could save what we once had
Now it's all gone, the good and bad
I'm suffering through the healing years
filling the oceans with my tears
and still I cry; in bitter sorrow they pour
I wish I didn't love you anymore

Do you know what you should've said
on any night we lay together in bed?

"I'm sorry that I've made you cry
Please don't leave Don't say goodbye
It's not too late I know I'm wrong
My problems have gone on too long
and I'll get help because I'm to blame
I love you and I feel ashamed
I know I hurt you by closing the door
but I promise not to hurt you anymore
I've been a fool for letting you down
Please tell me that you'll stay around
I need you Please stay with me
I'll be a better lover, you'll see
I want to keep you by my side
Please, tell me your love hasn't died."

Those are the words I longed to hear
Saying them would've kept me near
Words only in my head, not in your heart
It was your weakness that tore us apart
I wanted to see your repentant tears fall
I pleaded with you I had to crawl,
but you didn't say any of those things
It was to your bottle you chose to cling
You allowed evil to have its beguiling way
as you became more of a stranger each day
I'll always have regrets For you I still long
I had to sing the last word of our love song
How I trembled when I had to walk away 
My aching heart thinks about you every day

Poem Of Heartbroken

Here I am, laying on my bed
Silently crying while I read
About the things I left unsaid
And all my tears being shed

Did you know, you broke my heart
When you left, when we were apart
But the things that you told me
Right before you said you'd flea

All I have left is the memory
Of your last words, said in glory
"I think we need a break"
And so now I'm left awake

Here I am, laying on my bed
My depression being fed
By my own record player
Only adding sadness, layer after layer

Your last words, are those on repeat
That's what I wish to delete
The image of you running off
Just thinking you were tough

The thought that's destroying my mind
Nor confirmed or denied
"Did I do something wrong"
My friends told me I was strong

I have managed to smile everyday
Even though I see the world in grey
I miss you badly
Pretending to be happy, sadly

I can't see you clearly in photos
My emptiness grows
If you were here,I could've touched you
But then again, was our love ever true

So is it wrong for me to want a kiss
On the lips that I dearly miss
Not just from anyone
Just the one who left and run

The Sad Poet

I am the sad Poet.
The uneasy man.
Who longs to be loved,
or just to have a friend.

My heart whispers a low melody
on a faint, cool evening
thinking of her.
Once in my arms,
laying on my bed of roses.
Now she is gone.
I cannot think anymore!
It is hard, to love again,
When all your love has been taken away.
..I am the sad Poet.

I am the sad Poet,
That walks the bluish, dawn and dew covered streets
in the October evenings and nights.
But I tell you, I wasn't always so sad.
No! I was once alive..happy..romantic,
..till Love went away!

Now I sit in the wayward poetry clubs,
drinking club soda and snapping my fingers
to a finished performance on a poem about love.
Written by a soft, spoken seventeen year old girl.

Soon, it is my turn to give my poem a read.
I stand on a lone stage, with a spotlight drown


ing me in blindness.
I face the faces, who look at me and smile.
A clap, and a cough, bring my head up.
I look out upon the sitting crowd.
To see that one face
that speaks to me,
without the movement of the mouth.
The face never showed though, and my head fell back down.

I start to read.
A vase of emotions kill me and swallow me up.
I try to hold back tears, but no more could I halter.
I finished, with a salty tear, rolling down my rough and oiled cheek.
I leave the crowd at ovation
and leave the women, all with tears in their eyes.

I come down from the stage, leaving the bright spotlight.
I shake hands, give hugs,
and collect my pay, and have another round of club soda.
Then, I go down the midnight alleyways of sprinkled city streets
finding myself a cozy room.

I think of her for a moment,
then off to sleep.
I dream of one time laughs, and hugs and kisses.
I cry in my sleep,
...For I am the sad Poet.

Pirate Of Poetry

My poems depicts pain and sorrow...

My poems are the shades of my demons

My lines and rhymes are the scars of wars i have survived

My ink are tears flowing daily from a heart broken and a soul shattered

I play with my demons through poetry 

But i never dine with them

You think my case is hopeless

And i think your case is as ugly as my demons

I'm a sad soul

Atleast i know what i am

I know my pains

And they know me

I know my oceans

So i choose to be a pirate of poetry

I am what i am

I am my pains

But what are you?

I bet my lines you don't know

I Wish I was Told

I wish someone had told me how hard this life was going to get.

I wish someone had told me all the memories I should have been making,

Instead of spending hours agonizing over homework that would still be there the next day.

I wish someone had told me that they loved me without demanding something in return.

I wish someone had told me that the monsters under my bed would become my only friends.

I wish someone had told me I would be forced to endure this hatred and ridicule every day,

But they would simply call this school and expect me to keep going.

They say you can stand up for yourself but don’t you dare make a scene otherwise,

It’s all your fault.

I wish someone had told me that high school is exactly the same,

And exactly the opposite,

As it is in the movies.

I wish someone had told me that I need to love myself before I ever chose to love someone else.

I wish someone had told me how easy death is.

Wishes upon stars are simply that:

A hopeful breath given to dead light to change the entire world.

What is so romantic about wishes? About dreams? About stars?

I wish someone had told me.

“I wish I may, I wish I might,” what is this verse even saying?

We wish for now but we ask for later.

How can we expect that to change anything?

I wish someone had told me.

I wish someone had told me how precious a single smile was,

Before everything was gone.

I wish someone had told me how much sadness sucks.

I wish someone had told me that the color yellow is the worst color there is.

I wish someone had told me how much love hurts.

You’re not a number you’re a name,

But the first time you mess up they won’t use your name.

Teachers tell us that family comes first,

But they get mad when you visit grandma in the hospital because today could be her last day and you have to miss a class.

Why is high school education so important,

When all it does is teach us the Pythagorean Theorem and how to lose our friends?

I wish someone had told me.

I wish someone had told me how much words hurt.

They say it’s okay to cry but don’t do it here or there in fact,

Just don’t do it.

I wish someone had told me how much poetry heals.

I wish someone had told me that poetry is real but Cinderella was just a fairy tale.

I wish someone had told me that there are no happy endings in the real world.

They say we’re all princes but when Princess Charming finally comes we learn she’s just a bitch and we wasted our time but hey that’s okay,

At least we can say we tried.

I wish someone had told me not to spend so much time on my looks,

Because I’m handsome just the way I am.

But if everyone believed they were beautiful then so many businesses would go out of money and we have to keep the rich happy.

You’re perfect just the way you are but no one is perfect,

So what am I?

Please don’t ask me who I am because I don’t know and I don’t want to know.

I wish someone had told me why we tell our children to dream big,

But when they grow up we tell them to keep their feet on the ground,

Because a head in the clouds can’t provide food on the table.

I wish someone had told me why we keep the rich happy,

When the happiest people in the world can be found on the streets,

Because they know life isn’t about how many things we can fill a house with,

It’s about how many memories we can fill our hearts with.

Why is that not taught in schools?

I wish someone had told me.

We spend 1,460 days in high school,

Just to be rewarded with a piece of paper that says,

“Congratulations! You spent 4 years in free daycare!”

I wish someone had told me why we force college down every child’s throat even though not everyone needs to go.

I wish someone had told me why it’s so important to be popular in a world,

Where you will always be hated by someone.

Why do we define people by what they like to do?

But then call others stupid and dumb when we don’t agree?

I wish someone had told me why it’s okay for you to tell someone to kill themselves,

 But no one dare say that to your best friend.

Why don’t we stand up for that weird girl who sits alone at lunch?

I wish someone had told me why we spend more time telling girls what they can or cannot wear to prevent rape,

Instead of teaching everyone to just not rape.

Why do we worry about our children doing something they love but could get them bullied,

Instead of focusing on teaching them to not bully and to just love.

Love goes so much farther than hate,

But we don’t actually believe this we just tell it to people so they feel better.

I wish someone had told me why we have to worry how others view us,

When in the end the only opinion that really matters is God’s.

How can a person go their whole life never seeing God,

But then see Him as they’re dying?

Why do people believe they won’t be saved on their death bed?

I wish someone had told me that God will always love me even when I mess up,

Instead of waiting for me to figure that out on my own.

I wish someone had listened to me when I said I wasn’t okay,

Instead of just telling me that life would get better if I just gave it time.

Not everything will be okay,

And that’s okay.

God has a plan but if you ask a preacher about hardships and toils he will simply say, “God will bring you through it.”

Did God really plan for His children to be in so much pain?

I wish someone had told me.

People talk about God and forget about the Devil,

As if not talking about him will make him not existent.

I wish someone had told me the Devil is real before I laid in his bed.

The Devil is real people,

I’m telling you this now.

My Letter To Depression

Dear Depression,

Why are you here?

Why is it that every time I think I've vanquished you

you crawl back, bloody but resilient?

You keep dragging me down

To trample beneath your feet

And here I am, stuck in the stampede

But I can't leave

Why is it that you love to torture me?

Why do you have to remind me of my faults, my insecurities?

I don't understand how

you've survived this long

fueling my doubt

Why do you make me so irritable?

I just want to be at peace

But you're always here to bully me

With your partner in crime, anxiety

I am stressed, I am fighting

I am angry, I am sad

I am

E M P T Y

What is your purpose?

State your cause.

Make me feel something

Or nothing at all.

Why must you encompass

such ugly emotions?

I ask you to leave

I beg you to go

But here you remain

And I,

I am 

B R O K E N

I am in pieces

What has become of my life?

Why must I be oppressed

by this unbearable sadness?

Why must I have emotion

without purpose?

You beat me, you pull me down again

And here I lay, scrambling for purchase

For purpose. For reason.

But there is no found weapon.

And you kick me again

Why does no one care?

My face is throbbing, my hands are shaking

But your punches keep coming

And my mind is 

S H A T T E R E D

How do I pick up the pieces?

How do I start again?

How do I pick up the glass

without shards cutting my skin?

When did my mind,

once a weapon,

once a treasure,

become the enemy?

I just want to cry.

I just want to be.

But there are no more tears

And I can no longer see.

My goals, once so clear

Become murky

Enveloped in the fog

that swallowed me.

WHY DEPRESSION?!!

Behind My Pain Lies My Poem

By: Soul Therapist

There's always a voice and a shadow in every silence only if you care enough to see

By: Soul Therapist

DEAR JOY

Its been a long time since I came to visit you my love. I remember pain and, I don’t want to feel it anymore. I remember tears and, I don’t want to cry anymore. Still I feel that pain and I still cry at the thought of you not being at home. My dear departed love, Gings still has all this love that should have been yours. Your epic to grave story never had a beginning. Only an end that still hurts as hell. Gings cannot function some days, others I am on over drive trying to burn hurting thoughts. Please say you won’t let go, of my hand. That you will hold me forever. That you will still love me, even when I am angry you left me. I wished to grow old with you, see our generation come to life. I cannot see how this pain will subside. Say you won’t let go, of my heart, that needs you so. Keep me in your thoughts, hold me in your innocence.

Dear Joy,Gings remembers every bit of you. No memory of you will ever fade away. I remember never saying goodbye. I still won’t. Give me strength to be better, to sleep better, to survive better. All I long for is the days I had you in my arms. When I felt your warmth. When I rubbed your face and felt your peace. I wish I could turn back time. And feel you again. Know you are deeply rooted inside Gideon's heart. My love, my dear departed love, Gings still loves you, so so much. I had you, then I didn’t. Yet you still are alive in me. I want so much, you being the most of what I want. Say you won’t let go, of Gings’s hand… forever.

PAIN

Let’s talk about pain,
I feel pain because I can,
Pain made me laughs at myself,
It shows how weak I am,
And how hard I am acting tough,
That is me in pain.

When My Soul Is Drained

Tell me I’m wrong, I’ll accept it!

Tell me I suck, I’ll accept it!

Tell me I’m psycho, I’ll accept it!

Tell me I’m a bitch, I’ll accept it!

Tell me I can’t do one thing right, I’ll accept it!

Tell me you hate me, I’ll accept it!

Tell me I’m skinny, I’ll accept it!

Tell me I’m lazy, I’ll accept it!

Yes, I am all of that!

I agree!

For I don’t have any strength left to fight anymore.

I’m just passing by, trying not to get in trouble, I’m trying to be invisible, I’m trying to be as left out as possible. I wanna feel this pain until its not pain anymore. I’ll swallow it until my stomach is full.

I’m broken and I’m alone i need to accept this reality.

I’m no longer me I need to accept that reality.

Each day I’m just passing by and i wonder if nobody ever sees the broken look on my face or am I just too good of an actor?

I cry myself to sleep and yes I'm crying while I’m typing this.

But my tears hold no value! And my laughter? Even my laughter reminds me of my demons now!